no angel

Watashi-wa is no angel, that is for sure.

Last week I watched the England-Ukraine football match with friends outside a bar in Exarcheia. I really didn't care who won, but the game made me feel very nostalgic - nostalgic for a time when I really did care who won, and nostalgic, more generally, for an earlier period in my life. Nostalgic, too, for visiting new countries and exploring new cultures. Like the Ukraine, where I have never been. 

I love Athens, but life here - as anywhere, I suppose - can feel rather same-y. I felt nostalgic too for the time in my life when I might go out and wake up in a place I had never been before - the sofa in a friend's apartment more often more often than a girl's bedroom, but still, a bit of an adventure; some unpredictability, such as I experienced years ago in New York, and then later in San Francisco. That never happens to me here, probably because I am older, but maybe also because Greeks are more conservative in that way. 

After the game, and a couple of flasks of raki, Watashi-wa was pretty drunk, but I did not want to go home. I phoned a reliable dealer (they exist) and bought some cocaine. That sobered me up. Then I went to my favourite dive bar where I can generally rely on bumping into friends. There were two girls chatting alone at a table, one blessed (or cursed) with severe Greek beauty. Chemically emboldened, I asked if I could join them. They were having an emotional conversation, to which I contributed very little. 

The following evening, I saw the severe Greek beauty again, by chance. This time she was having a tense conversation with her older brother. Again I joined them, and contributed a little more, since some of the miscommunication between them was easy to unpick.

Then I spent the weekend with the Greek girl, on an extended cocaine binge. She stayed over at mine both nights, but only with a strict 'no physical contact' rule. But this was ok, Athenian blow is detrimental to sexual performance in any case. 

I wanted her to stay, even if she was a bit narcissistic, and given to long monologues about an ex-boyfriend (who sounded like a chump). But her father died earlier this year, then she had a miscarriage; she is rocket fuel for Watashi-wa's saviour complex.

I feel I have been gaining in positive energy recently, but have been lacking an outlet for it... Not perhaps the basis for marriage, but aren't there worse things one can do with oneself? And isn't one's conscious attention also an offering of sorts? And sometimes, one just doesn't want to sleep alone.

In any case, I also liked the fact that, in bed and still wide awake at 5am - the non-touching divide between us* - she insisted on showing me a 1.5 hour interview with Henry Miller. 



* In the interests of full disclosure, Watashi-wa should admit that he once attempted to bridge the divide. She said: 'Please do not try to get with me.' Message received.