my mental model

Watashi-wa has been absent for some time, but now he's back! 

I was a bit discombobulated yesterday. I think it was due to a build up of recent travel, consistent wine drinking in the evenings, the desire to celebrate the completion of a new painting, and talking too much. So I have now started a three day fast, with frequent periods of meditation. I have in the past found this to be an excellent re-boot. The Desert Fathers and Mothers were all over it back in the 3rd and 4th centuries, in the Sinai Desert. Of course, they called it 'prayer' rather than 'meditation', but - at least in its contemplative form - it comes to pretty much the same thing. 

I stick to water and Japanese green tea during the day, and then a glass of apple juice before I go to bed in the evening. A purist would turn their nose up at the latter, but I find it hard to get to sleep otherwise. 

I may be particularly susceptible to fasting: it always amazes me how quickly the mind clears and calms, merely by not engaging one's digestion. 

A thought that has been on my mind a lot recently concerns mental models. I am aware that most of the time I walk around with a mental model of how I want the world to be, and that I allow my happiness to be contingent upon that. For instance, I want to return to Athens on Friday, and I am worried that the flights I looked at will no longer be available. Essentially I am saying that I will only allow myself to be happy (content/ relaxed/ at peace with the world) if the reality - the availability of flights - happens to coincide with my mental model, in this case some idea of getting a flight on Friday.

I do this all the time. If I do a 3 day fast, if I move to Crete for November, if I find a nice girl, then I will be happy... But why not just commit to being happy, irrespective of mental models? Do I really need things in the outside world to be a certain way before I can... what... relax? Stop planning? Stop thinking that things could be better? After all, my mental model has coincided with reality countless times in the past, but it never provided lasting happiness. A new model pops up every time. So how about allowing myself to be happy, irrespective of mental models? 

(I owe this insight to Michael Singer and his excellent book, 'The Untethered Soul').