Category Archives: Uncategorized

Watashi-wa often thinks of the image of racehorses which Shunryu Suzuki uses, in ‘Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind’, to describe the marrow, or essence, of Zen. Suzuki writes: ‘…it is said that there are four kinds of horses: excellent ones, good ones, poor ones, and bad ones. The best horse will run slow and fast, rightContinue reading “the worst horse”

Yesterday Watashi-wa went to have his hair cut – 3mm on top, 2mm on the sides. The Cretan barber did a good job, but very little came off the top, so I encouraged him to go a bit shorter. The result is that I now look like a tonsured monk. And it has been botheringContinue reading “tonsure”

Saying ‘Yes’ to the present moment is the key to inner peace and the doorway to the experience of God, according to Eckhart Tolle. He says that we have to learn to accept the present moment fully, and to see it as our friend. St. Porphyrios says: We should regard Christ as a friend. HeContinue reading “our friends”

Sometimes Watashi-wa feels like a broken record. Some things I keep coming back to, over and over again. One of them is suffering, and its relation to the spiritual life. Today is one of those days. I went to bed early, slept well, and woke up refreshed. I meditated via Zoom with friends in BerlinContinue reading “broken record”

Yesterday was the third and final day of my fast. It was also quite a busy day, being my penultimate day here in the Engadine. Amongst other things, I had an appointment with a dermatologist. For a few weeks now, my left forearm has been quite itchy. Since there is nothing to see, I assumedContinue reading “venus and venereology”

Watashi-wa has been absent for some time, but now he’s back! I was a bit discombobulated yesterday. I think it was due to a build up of recent travel, consistent wine drinking in the evenings, the desire to celebrate the completion of a new painting, and talking too much. So I have now started aContinue reading “my mental model”

My friend Bombay Kris, who has been reading Bertand Russell’s ‘Marriage and Morals’, recently sent me this: ‘Fact is, when love and sex collide – it can’t be planned nor should it be. As Russell says. So to look for this is a fool’s errand. It happens when it happens and it would be greedyContinue reading “Bombay and Bertrand”

Watashi-wa is no angel, that is for sure. Last week I watched the England-Ukraine football match with friends outside a bar in Exarcheia. I really didn’t care who won, but the game made me feel very nostalgic – nostalgic for a time when I really did care who won, and nostalgic, more generally, for anContinue reading “no angel”

On a few occasions, someone has said something to me that has really stuck in my throat. My immediate reaction was one of profound irritation. But looking back on those comments now, I see that they were spot on. Many years ago, during a rather sad exchange, a soon-to-be ex-girlfriend told me that I neededContinue reading “the things that stick in our throats”

One phrase that keeps cropping up in my reading of the gospel of St. John is ‘αιώνια ζωή’ – eternal life. Christ repeatedly promises eternal life to his followers. Initially, Watashi-wa found this problematic. For a start, ‘eternal life’ sounds very boring. To tell the truth, I am rather looking forward to a nice longContinue reading “eternal life”

When Watashi-wa was living in America, I was often blown away by the vast range of products in supermarkets. Entire aisles of washing up liquid! So many brands, so many colours, scents, sizes. So much choice! But also, so stressful! This one is a bit cheaper, that one is smaller but claims to do moreContinue reading “real freedom”

Watashi-wa has a confession to make.In the post on ‘fundamental sincerity’, I wrote:’Give what you have to give irrespective of whether it is valued or appreciated. If you give but only in the hope of recognition or reward, then you are like a small child clamouring for its mother’s attention. There is no dignity inContinue reading “confession”

The second of the great Buddhist vows states: ‘Although our evil desires are limitless, we vow to be rid of them.’ From a rational, logical perspective, this is clearly impossible. Suzuki Roshi, the founder of the Zen Centre in San Francisco, recognizes this. He says: ‘Even though it is impossible, we have to do itContinue reading “doing the impossible”

Watashi-wa spent most of the last lockdown in the Swiss mountains. It is a place I love, and this winter was particularly beautiful. And yet I often felt tense and ill at ease. That didn’t use to happen to me, even when I spent long periods there by myself. One way or another, I haveContinue reading “enough me time”

The baptism finally took place, in the Convent of the Holy Font, in Crete. The quality of someone’s boss has a big influence on their life. Watashi-wa has never really had a boss. Now I have the boss of bosses. That is no small thing.

Sometimes the path seems very difficult. It may indeed be the case that all of us already have Buddha nature, and that the Kingdom of Heaven is already here in this present moment… but Watashi-wa is a long way from realising it. Some things are very hard to do well. Writing, for instance. You canContinue reading “the commitment is enough”

Watashi-wa is back in southern Crete. I came down here with FFF, a French female friend. We hiked down one of the gorges to the Libyan sea. There is a small pebble beach at the end. The water is beautifully clear because of the white marble seabed. I told FFF that when I was lastContinue reading “french girls’ rock”

No orthodox baptism after all. Watashi-wa’s godparents were not able to travel to Crete from Athens, owing to the limitations on movement still in place in Greece, at least for Greek passport holders. In addition, my van was broken into, in plain sight, at midday, opposite some apartment buildings beside the beach. Two bags wereContinue reading “no baptism”

My post yesterday may have given the impression that I think that the spiritual life is about the avoidance of suffering. Actually, I think the opposite is true: we still suffer, perhaps even more than before, but the nature of our suffering is different. Since tomorrow is Good Friday, at least here in Greece, thisContinue reading “love and suffering”

From the few posts already on this blog, you will probably have realised that Watashi-wa often feels tense and ill at ease. This can happen on the most perfect day, in the most beautiful surroundings, when really I shouldn’t have a care in the world. It is not so much anxiety, or even depression, butContinue reading “baptism”

As a child, Watashi-wa had complete faith in his parents. As I grew older, I also had faith in my teachers, my schools, the government, the nation, the Western World, humanity as a whole. Little by little, this confidence has been eroded. It is not that I don’t trust people or institutions at all, butContinue reading “as a child”

The monk Shuzan said, ‘If there’s even a hair’s breadth of difference, heaven and hell are clearly set apart.’ There are some advanced Buddhist metaphysics underlying this statement, I am sure of that. But Watashi-wa understands it in a more simple way. Or rather, I would like to rephrase it to express a more mundaneContinue reading “heaven and hell”

Perhaps Watashi wa’s last post sounded a bit defeatist. That was not my intention. I am not saying that we should give up, sit back, and do nothing while we are alive. Quite the opposite. Watashi wa believes deeply that we should never hold back, we should give ourselves and our talents to the worldContinue reading “fundamental sincerity”

Do you also sometimes feel that there are far too many things crowding in on you, needing to be done? Do you feel like you are standing in an unruly queue, constantly being jostled by your obligations and commitments? Do you wish you had nothing on your ‘to do’ list, no unanswered emails in yourContinue reading “‘to do’ list”

I woke up this morning to a message from my dear friend and the father of my goddaughter, informing me (politely) that I had forgotten her 14th birthday. This was bad, not least since just last week I had been communicating with him to discuss the possibility of visiting over her birthday weekend. However, itContinue reading “to my goddaughter”